An Old Diary Entry

March 20th, 2009

We are in the process of moving everything out of our Portland apartment. It is a hard endeavor for me. Everything that I see, I want to keep. Anything that belong to Andy, I feel the compulsion to take it home with me; boxers, longsleeved shirts, undershirts, jeans. All of this, which I don't really have a use for. I guess it is simply my desire to feel like Andy will be home any moment, that he won't be gone for a whole year or more, or perhaps I want to feel like he just hasn't left. I need these items close to me. It's a powerful feeling. The touch of his shirts, the feel of each fiber against my face, the smell of his cologne. All of it is the essence of him, and I know how much I need these things in order to keep myself from sinking into depression.